What I Want
“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies… the man who never reads lives only one.”
George RR Martin – Game of Thrones
I want to live on Mars. I want to write 100 best selling novels. I want to learn to speak 5 languages and live in each of those countries for at least 10 years as a fluent speaker. Make that 10 languages. I want to play the guitar. And the piano. Maybe the violin. And sing. I want to write articles for major publications. I want to climb a mountain. Learn Kung Fu. Or maybe something more useful. Mixed martial arts? I want to know what I want to know.
I want to watch every episode of every show sitting on my must watch list. I want to read every single book in a library whenever I walk in. And then I want to read them all again. Then go meet the authors and shake their hands and buy them a coffee. Or a beer. Or a bourbon.
Especially the dead ones.
I want to spend hours just talking with my wife. No phones. No kids. No TV. Just talking. I want to have afternoons of lazy quietness just observing the world go by. I want to walk from coast to coast in the US. I want to see every movie ever made. I want to have long conversations over coffee, arguing over the top ten movies of all time. I want to understand the universe. I want to understand everything – except women.
Women I’ll never understand.
I will just watch and marvel and enjoy the time I have with the amazing ones in my life.
I want to race. I want to run a marathon. I want to WIN a marathon. I want to play video games all day long and eat pizza and drink beer. I want to exercise for a few hours a day. I want to stay up all night drinking with my friends and just when everyone starts winding down, I want to order a round of shots and make a profound toast that gets everyone fired up again. I want to walk home singing arm in arm and go to sleep with a grin on my face and a final toast to friendship… then I want to wake up at 5 am to write and then run and then spend the day bursting with energy with my kids, coming up with activities and running like a madman every second.
I want to train as a chef. Maybe open a restaurant. I want to travel the world trying different cuisines and take them home to share with my friends and family. I want to be an architect. And a bartender. Maybe a shipwright? Certainly something. I want to be something.
I want to study history and science. I want to be a photographer. I want to watch every game of every sport of all my local teams and probably a bunch of non local ones. I want to run with the bulls and sky dive and swim with sharks.
Actually, not that last one.
Only crazy people want to swim with sharks.
I want to spend all day every day fully engaged at work, at home, with my kids, with my wife, with my friends, with my writing, with MYSELF. I want to close out each aspect of my life with that feeling of “enough” like the one you get when you had JUST enough sleep.
At least, that’s what I remember it feeling like.
Maybe that’s part of the reason why I read so voraciously – like the quote says, you get to live other lives that it’d be impossible to encompass into one existence.
I want to drink up life.
There’s so much of it, sometimes I feel like my soul will burst trying to keep it all straight. So in the meantime, I’ll focus on what is important and accept that I will never feel that I’ve spent enough of myself in any one place.
Mars will have to wait.